||[Dec. 26th, 2006|01:33 am]
december has gotten worse.. it seems like it's gone from somewhat slowing down on the binging and purging (i was doing it most weeknights, all night or atleast 3 or 4 times) to binging and purging once everyday.. it stopped for a bit inbetween but now my teeth have been KILLING me. which is weird it happens now, even though i've been puking since well... hmm early grade 6, before that i was just anorexic for a year. ANYWAY! now i am about 101.6lbs and i'm hoping tomorrow morning i will be atleast 100lbs or lower.. but yeah the past week i've been doing more 24 hour fasts, always breaking with a small binge.. none the less, dusting up my restricting skills cause i go to jamaica in just over a month.. thus i want to be 95lbs or lower, steady. i know i'll gain weight like mad there because its all inclusive. but maybe if by then i'm 95lbs i'll have more reason to be disgusted by food.|
i've really lost any desire to get better the past month, i wish i could say i'm better to everyone and play pretend again. sometimes i just remember when this was all secrets and so easy, ughhh. i wish now.